So what about compatibility of turn ons and turn offs? Gottman has also found that it is only when a relationship isn't going very well that partners perceive their partner's personality is to blame. It may matter when it comes to being sexually compatible with your partner, as Ellis suggested. The majority of the research in this area has examined perceived sexual compatibility and it has been found to be related to sexual satisfaction as I mentioned above, but also communication, sexual desire, and sexual functioning, among others. Oftentimes, how compatible couples perceive themselves to be is a lot more important than the reality of how they may function together. If one of you always wants sex with the lights on but one of you always wants sex with the lights off, it may impact your compatibility and perhaps also your satisfaction. However, research that I've conducted with colleagues at University of Guelph found that perceived compatibility was a more important predictor of both sexual and relationship satisfaction than compatibility of turn ons and turn offs. How often do we desire sex? We hear phrases like "birds of a feather flock together" telling us we need to be compatible with a partner in order to be successful. Our desires and needs should be shared and talked about. It refers to the extent to which partners may share similar sexual preferences and beliefs. This focus on perception isn't new. If the spark is there in your mind then this will provide an aphrodisiac potent enough to smooth over any relatively minor, in the scheme of things conflicts of temperament and preference. Despite this focus on perceived sexual compatibility in current research, researchers as early as Ellis in suggested that one of the main sources of sexual incompatibility were inconsistent preferences for specific sex acts between partners. Gottman has suggested that perception of personality differences, not actual personality differences, is a key component for its predictive ability of relationship satisfaction. Providing you can perceive yourselves to be sexually compatible, the compatibility of your turn ons and turn offs don't matter much to satisfaction.