He also blamed the influence of female hormones as responsible for making him seek the surgery. Just as importantly, I start to familiarise myself with my changed body, getting used to the sight of it in the mirror. It's such a serious procedure that the first step involves proving you really, really, really, really want it. Two months after surgery, I make a final, brief visit to the surgical team at the Clinic, who check my health and administer some silver nitrate to deal with the granulation tissue that has developed during the healing process. As he does so, the post-surgical pain increases dramatically. It all seems pretty straightforward -- you learned in school that hormones are what make men look like men and women look like women. And if you were thinking it's just a matter of the doctor going in, sawing off a dick and tossing it over his shoulder into a little trash can full of them, you're not realizing how much cutting it takes to actually look how society says a woman should. I'm more patient, I'm calmer, I feel less driven than I did before I had testosterone blockers. We stand behind the goal and when Horley's winger shanks a cross into touch, I'm nearest the ball. Further constrained by the need to dilate three times daily, watching the world pass by on Twitter and television, I remind myself that this is temporary: Again -- plenty of time to change your mind if you're just a "confused" guy going through a phase. Then, after several weeks, the dilation stops being painful and becomes pleasurable, at least at times — the discovery of sexual sensation is another huge landmark, and finally I'm excited not just about returning to my pre-surgical normality but about discovering a post-surgical one. Crying all the time; getting catty or simply furious. He recalls patients telling him that when they inquired about the procedure at other clinics, they receive minimal information before being asked for proof that they could pay for the operation. Make Me a Man Again , Kane explained he originally wanted to become a woman after a nervous breakdown.